


On the Same Page

by karasunova



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Some Humor, helpful friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-10-30 06:13:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20809862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karasunova/pseuds/karasunova
Summary: Hermione comes across a roadblock on her recent work assignment. A loose niffler has been caught in a fancy restaurant that has months-long wait-list.Unable to use magic to get her way in, she'll have to count on some surprising help.





	On the Same Page

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Hermione's Haven Roll-a-Prompt  
Prompt: Pansy x Hermione, Fake Dating, Niffler

Hermione took a deep breath and then peered around the corner, using a set of muggle binoculars to get a closer look at the posh restaurant across the street. 

It was midday and closed at the moment, but once the clock struck eight, the glimmering lights hanging from the crystal chandeliers brightened the room, elegantly dressed servers brought around equally beautiful food. 

All the glitz and glam attracted many patrons to their doors and their wait-list was months long. 

Unfortunately, the glitz and glam also attracted some not-so-welcome patrons - magical ones who liked shiny things. 

She narrowed in with her binoculars. There it is. The furry behind of the niffler appeared in the window. It picked up a silver fork, eyed it for a few moments, and then slipped it into its pouch. 

She pulled back and sighed against the brick wall. How was she going to get into the restaurant without using magic? 

* * *

Hermione dug around the prop trunk looking for anything to help her sneak into the restaurant. False documents, bejeweled dresses. Something, anything!

“Hermione?” Daphne Greengrass peered into the storage closet. “What are you doing?” 

Hermione tossed a top hat aside. “Looking for something to help me sneak into that restaurant! You know, the fancy one downtown.”

Daphne crossed her arms over her chest. “The one Weasley said he’d take you too but never did?”

Hermione leaned on the back of her heels and pouted. Actually pouted. “Shut it, Greengrass.” 

Daphne rolled her eyes. “I actually feel bad for you, so I’ll ask around to see if anyone’s got some connections to that restaurant. Only because your tosspot ex-boyfriend never took you.” 

Hermione glared at the empty doorway. “He’s not a tosspot!” She turned her attention back to the trunk and sighed. Nothing here was going to help. 

She slammed the trunk shut and trudged out of the supply closet. She did not want to use magic to get her way into the restaurant. There were ministry hurdles she’d need to jump over and she didn’t have the time or the power to make the venture successful. 

She grabbed the door handle to her office. So, how was she going to do it?

“Pansy, fancy seeing you here,” Daphne’s voice took a lilting tone. 

“Stuff it, Greengrass.” Pansy Parkinson’s familiar smooth lilt echoed through the corridor. 

Hermione braced herself against her office door. 

“You’re just the witch I’m looking for,” Daphne ignored Pansy’s earlier quip. 

“No.” Pansy stopped at Daphne’s desk. “I’m just here to pick up my family’s paperwork and I’m leaving.” 

Daphne filed through some stacks of paper on her desk. “One of our agents could use some help getting into that posh restaurant you’ve been raving about.” She held out a slim envelope. 

Pansy snatched it out of her hand. “Why should I help? Your department already makes me go through hoops just to have house-elves working in my household.” 

Hermione slowly slipped into her office and carefully peered around the doorway. 

Daphne leaned toward Pansy and whispered something Hermione was unable to hear. 

Both former Slytherins turned toward her office door. Hermione stumbled backward, bumping into the bookshelf. She hurried over to her desk and plopped down in her chair. 

This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening. This cannot -

“So, Granger.” Pansy leaned on the doorway. 

Hermione bit her lip and stared at the paperwork on her desk. Some figures or estimates for the planned trip to Prague. She had no clue, but Pansy Parkinson (literally the worst girl in school - well they weren’t in school anymore but still - and she had no right to look that good in high heels and a form-fitting pencil skirt) was standing in the doorway. 

She glanced up and held her chin in her hand. “Yes?”

Pansy smirked. “I hear you’re trying to get into The Grove. You know their waitlist is months long.” 

Hermione gulped. “Yes.” 

Pansy spread her fingers out in front of her face, examining her perfect manicure. “Well, lucky for you, I’m eating there tonight.” 

There was no way she would ask Pansy for a favor like this!

“You have no other way to get in without resorting to magic and you of all people know how difficult it is for the ministry to allow any charm work outside of emergencies. That being said,” she moved her hand to her waist, accentuating the waist her pencil skirt cut into her figure, “I have a proposal for you.”

Wait, what? “A proposal? For me?”

Pansy rolled her eyes. She stepped into the office and closed the door. Her heels tapped lowly against the ground as she neared Hermione’s desk. 

“I’m going to a family reunion at the said restaurant and I need a date.”

Hermione blinked slowly. “What?”

Pansy pursed her darkly tinted lips. “You and me, Granger. I get you into The Grove and you can do your ministry nonsense and I’ll show up to my family reunion with the golden girl of the wizarding world.”

“Why would you even do that for me?”

Pansy tilted her head to the side. “Didn’t you just hear what I said? I’m doing this to show off in front of my family. I’ll just get someone else.” She turned on her heel and headed for the door.

“Wait, no!” Hermione leaped out of her seat and rounded the desk, bumping the corner. She grimaced and said, “I’ll do it.” 

Pansy smiled. “Excellent. I’ll meet you there. Be sure to look the part or I’ll go in without you.” She reached out and tugged on a lock of Hermione’s hair. “You’re not unfortunate looking so play up those features and dress up like you’re about to steal someone’s boyfriend.”

“What?” Hermione squeaked. 

“You heard me.” Pansy pulled the door open and stormed out of her office. 

Merlin, what had she gotten herself into?

* * *

Hermione blew out the breath she was holding. 

“Wait, so let me get this straight,” Ron said in between bites of his cheese crisps, “Pansy Parkinson, you know the bitch from school -”

“Ronald -”

“Is taking you out? Like on a date?”

Hermione nodded. She rifled through her wardrobe, searching for something that was ‘boyfriend-stealing’ material. 

“It’s not a real date,” she explained, “it’s pretend.”

“A pretend date? It’s fake.”

Hermione nodded. “Just to get me in the door.”

“Sure, sure. As long as you’re not bringing her home tonight. That’s the last thing I want to walk in on.”

Hermione grabbed a scarf and tossed it at his head. “Ronald!”

He dodged it and laughed. 

She threw her hands in the air. “Nothing in here is good enough!”

Ron got to his feet. “You know what that means?”

She peered over her shoulder. 

He grinned at her and perked an eyebrow. “Time to go shopping.”

One probably would not expect Ronald Weasley to be the perfect shopping companion, but he knew how and where to find the best deals and shopping in the muggle world was on of his favorite things to do.

And that’s how Hermione came home with three new dresses, a new pair of shoes, and two sets of lingerie.

“I do expect you to model everything for me,” Ron quipped as he dumped the Chinese take out in the kitchen. 

“Ronald!” 

“What?”

Hermione hurried into her bedroom to get dressed. She grabbed the silky deep forest green dress and laid it out on her bed. It was the most revealing piece she’d ever bought for herself, but she couldn’t deny how beautiful she felt when she tried it on at the store. 

Beautiful and powerful. 

She took a quick shower and then quickly slipped on the dress. She liked the way it fell over her skin. She didn’t usually wear a dress with a halter top and a deep v in the front, but she looked so good in this one. Plus, the two slits going up the sides of her legs felt freeing and classy. She grabbed her makeup bag and joined Ron at their small dining table. 

Ron whistled and she felt her face heat up. “You look stunning.”

She laid out her make up. “I haven’t even done my make up yet.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Ron picked up a piece of orange chicken with his chopsticks. “You’re gonna knock ‘em dead.”

Hermione couldn’t help smiling. “Thanks, Ron.”

She listened to him recount his day as she put on her makeup: eyeliner, mascara, dark eyeshadow, and dark red lipstick. 

“I can’t believe I’m going to say this but I’m actually jealous of Parkinson.”

“Ron-”

“I had my chance,” he held his hands up, “I know. You look bloody beautiful, Hermione. Don’t let any of those Slytherins say otherwise.”

She stood up from the table and kissed his cheek. “Wish me luck.”

* * *

Hermione tugged on her diamond drop earrings, feeling severely overdressed. The hand holding her charmed purse began to sweat and dread pooled in her stomach. This was a mistake. 

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Pansy ghosted a finger across Hermione’s bare shoulders. “You know how to dress to impress.” 

Pansy slipped her fingers through Hermione’s, making her jump. She lowered her mouth to her ear and said, “just play along.” 

Hermione tried to relax her shoulders and let Pansy lead her into the restaurant. They slipped past the maitre d, who greeted Pansy with a quick, “good evening, Miss Parkinson.” 

“So, you come here often?” Hermione asked. 

Pansy chuckled. “You could say that.” 

They neared the dimly lit corner, where a group of formally dressed individuals was already seated. Various plates with food and various wine bottles were spread around the table. 

The woman with gray-streaked dark hair stood and placed a chaste kiss on Pansy’s cheek. “You’ve arrived, finally.”

“Wonderful to see you too, mother.” 

Mrs. Parkinson tossed a cautionary glance toward Hermione. 

Pansy grinned, tilting her head to the side slightly. "Mother, you know Hermione Granger. She's here with me." 

The hard stare Mrs. Parkinson gave Pansy unnerved Hermione. "Pansy, the Vorsters’ are here, with their son."

"Oh?" Pansy slinked her arm around Hermione's waist, rubbing her thumb over her hip bone. "I'm sure he'd like to meet Hermione too." 

Mrs. Parkinson looked like she wanted to huff but she spun on her heel and returned to her seat. 

Pansy led Hermione to a pair of seats at the end of the long table. Two glasses of wine appeared before them and a waiter stood beside them to take their orders. 

Pansy snatched the menu out of Hermione's hands and told the waiter their order. "You'll like it, don't worry." She picked up a wine glass and put it in Hermione's hand. 

"I shouldn't drink. I'm technically on the job."

Pansy looked at her over the rim of her wineglass. "I won't tell anyone." 

Hermione flushed and took a tentative sip. 

The dinner was awkward and stilted. Jaun, the Vorster’s son, was intrigued by Hermione's work and relieved to see Pansy arrive with a date. He admitted to them both that he was tired of his parents' attempts to marry him off and told them how he met his secret girlfriend, who was still in Johannesburg.

"Don't you have a creature to catch?" Pansy leaned into her ear. "I'll distract my family and run any interference." 

Hermione calmly excused herself and headed in the direction of the restrooms. She cast a notice me not on herself and began planting her bait. A fork here, some coins, and a handful of diamonds. 

She tucked herself into an alcove that housed a pay phone and waited. Maybe she should have planted something in the dining room. She should've checked the kitchen. 

Just then she heard a soft shuffling sound. 

She narrowed her eyes and searched the ground for the niffler. The low-light and already dark floors made it difficult. 

There! The fork disappeared. 

The niffler moved on to the coins, carefully looking them over. 

Hermione kneeled down and placed some more diamonds on the ground beside her. 

"Charles, do something about your daughter." 

Mr. Parkinson stood beside the trickling fountain. "Honestly, Anna. It's probably just another passing fancy. She does it to prickle your precious sensibilities." 

Mrs. Parkinson braced her hands on her hips. "And what if it isn't?" 

"So, what? You worry about nothing." 

Mrs. Parkinson squeezed her hands into fists. "She's probably off doing something unseemly with that muggle-born." 

Mr. Parkinson crossed his arms over his chest. "So what's the issue? The fact that the Granger girl is a muggle-born or because she's a girl?" 

Hermione bit her lip. She should not be listening in on this but the niffler was just spaces away from Mrs. Parkinson's heel and if she moved she'd step on the poor creature. 

She moved one of the diamonds, trying to catch its attention. 

It stilled and stared hard. It moved slowly. 

"The Granger girl has no connections," Mrs. Parkinson griped.

"No connections that  _ you _ find desirable," her husband retorted. "Pansy doesn't want to be like you. Just let her be, Anna. Before you push her too hard." 

The niffler finally made it across the room and sat right in front of Hermione, carefully tucking the diamonds into its pouch. 

She lifted her wand and placed a protective bubble around the niffler and stuffed it into her purse. 

She peered out into the room and saw Pansy's parents were gone. She slowly stood, leaned against the wall, and removed the charm.

What was it like to live under that kind of parental pressure? 

"Mission accomplished?" A smooth-voice spoke beside her ear. 

Hermione jumped and hit her elbow against the payphone. 

Pansy took up the rest of the space in the alcove. "You've been gone a while."

Hermione tried to look anywhere but Pansy's lips or her cleavage. "Yes, mission accomplished." 

Pansy’s gaze lingered on Hermione's lips. "Is that so?" She pressed further. "You'll need some sort of excuse for what took so long," her voice lowered, "lucky for you I have just the idea."

"Oh?" Hermione's eyes fluttered. She licked her lips. 

"Tell me to stop," Pansy whispered, lowering her lips to Hermione's. 

Hermione trailed her fingers up Pansy's neck and pulled her to her lips, kissing her heatedly. 

Pansy's hands found her hips and leaned into Hermione's shorter figure. Hands roamed, hair pulled, a few scratches here and there. 

* * *

Hermione and Pansy left the dinner looking thoroughly snogged and a little tipsy. 

Hermione disapparated home - alone - and slowly clambered to her bedroom, passing out as soon has her head hit the pillow. 

The following morning, she ignored Daphne's knowing grin and practically ran to her office. 

But her office was no refuge.

Pansy sat in her desk chair, heeled feet propped over the armrest. "Mission accomplished?"

"Yes," Hermione squeaked. 

Pansy slowly got to her feet and met Hermione near the office door, her eyes on Hermione's lips. "Let me know if you need  _ help _ again, won't you, Granger?" 

Hermione bit her lip. "Will do." 

Pansy twirled a strand of hair that had fallen out of Hermione's high bun. "Glad we're on the same page." 

Daphne popped in through the doorway. "Don’t you two cozy."

"Shut it, Greengrass." 

"Stuff it, Greengrass."


End file.
